a shot to kill the pain
a pill to drain the shame
a purge to stop the gain
a cut to break the vein
a smoke to erase the crave
a drink to win the game
an addiction's an addiction
because it always hurts the same.
|August 1873 |
I cannot keep myself from writing any longer to you dearest, although I have not had any answer to either of my two letters.
I suppose your mother does not allow you to write to me.
Perhaps you have not got either of my letters...I am so dreadfully afraid that perhaps you may think I am forgetting you.
I can assure you dearest Jeannette you have not been out of my thoughts hardly for one minute since I left you Monday.
I have written to my father everything, how much I love you how much I long & pray & how much I would sacrifice if it were necessary to be married to you and to live ever after with you..I shall [not] get an answer till Monday & whichever way it lies I shall go to Cowes soon after & tell your mother everything.
I am afraid she does not like me of much from what I have heard...I wld do anything she wished if she only wld not oppose us.
Dearest if you are as fond of me as I am of you...nothing human could keep us long apart.
This last week has seemed an eternity to me; Oh, I would give my soul for another of those days we had together not long ago...Oh if I could only get one line from you to reassure me, but I dare not ask you to do anything that your mother wld disapprove of or has perhaps forbidden you to do...Sometimes I doubt so I cannot help it whether you really like me as you said at Cowes you did.
If you do I cannot fear for the future tho' difficulties may lie in our way only to be surmounted by patience.
Goodbye dearest Jeannette. My first and only love...Believe me ever to be
Yours devotedly and lovingly,
Randolph S. Churchill